February 5, 2016

So here's the thing...


I didn't even know how to describe how I've been feeling the past few months.  I know I've definitely been "feeling".  But not sure how to exactly put it into a word.  A definition. Perhaps that is why I love photography.  Words not necessary.  But sometimes...it speaks for you.



"Broken"
Bethlehem, Pennsylvania


I wasn't planning a post today.  Too much is going on in my life at the moment. But as I'm prone to do, I get distracted.  I call it "distracted", but truth is I escape.   To photography. To creating.  And this morning I decided to take a few minutes an hour to edit some photos that have been piling up. And that is when the word finally came to me.  Broken. Yep, too many windows shot out of my being in such a short amount of time.

Since November our family has lost too many.  Aunts, Uncles, Cousins.  And another loss is unfortunately imminent. A loss that will hit even closer to the family core. Cancer has played a role in all of them.  The latest losses have left my heart so very, very heavy.  And the weight will only increase in the coming days.  There is my own sadness.  But MUCH worse is seeing the sadness of those I love.  The latter is what leaves me feeling broken. My faith tells me there is a plan. A reason. To trust and believe.  Believe me, I am trying.

So yes, there are parts of me that are broken.  And it's those parts I am greatly feeling these days. Luckily, I am so very fortunate that the unbroken parts of my being abundantly outnumber those that are broken.

I am sad, but not hopeless.  I am tired, but not lifeless. I am afraid, but not powerless.  I am angry, but not bitter.  I am depressed, but not given up.  I do not understand, but have faith.  And I also know that altho I am isolated by circumstances these days, I am far from alone in what we are experiencing.

Prayers to all who are feeling broken.






Here's where I "link up" today
 

(Join me on Tuesdays for Song-ography. Click on photo for a full description)

12 comments:

  1. Love. Hugs. Thoughts and prayers - that watching others we love in pain part. So so hard. So wish I was there to share coffee and comfort. More love and hugs.

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  2. So sorry you're going through a hard time. Hang in there, Kathy.

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  3. I am sorry for the sad place you are in. We are in a similar place, several losses this winter... AND we are approaching one year since we lost Aubrey. In addition, my daughter is pregnant again - high risk - we have to get to 26 weeks. She has weekly ultrasounds, exams, and shots. 10 weeks to go and this mama is stressed. There are already some signs of potential issues for preterm labor again. But hopefully, since things will be better monitored, they will turn out differently. I am on pins and needles with angst.

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  4. I can totally relate to this feeling. It's been a tough couple of months for our family too. Thinking of you and your family!

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  5. So sorry you are in a season of sadness and I hope you see the rainbow soon. It is just so amazing how you can pull together such a beautiful post to share with us all. The photo is perfect for what you are expressing. A word that came to mind when I saw it was "fragmented", something I feel like from time to time. Sending hugs.

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  6. I am so sorry for the losses that you have experienced and for this time of brokenness. Hugs to you and prayers that you will be comforted and find peace.

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  7. Hi , I have you on my feed and I read each word and have been there in each word. Keep on going with the photos and dont give in. Man your strong and your strength is a light of hope to all who stop. Broken is a starting point to taking back your own power from that point no matter how long it takes. Man I hate it when Im there to.. xo Sending Hugs

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  8. I'm so very sorry for the difficulties you and your family have been facing. I hope you find comfort and peace in the coming days and that there is mercy.

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  9. Dearest Kathy...I know those "Feelings" well, broken is a very good description for them. And Cancer...well it is a horrible thing...and watching a loved one with it?...I have yet to discover anything worse in life. My thoughts and prayers to you and yours. Though you are feeling broken...hold on to your strength...even if only on the inside. (((Hugs)))

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  10. Hugs to you and all your family

    Mollyxxx

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  11. Kathy so sorry to hear of all of the losses in your family. That is so hard, and I think you also connect the idea t hat you are aging and it could be you. Pain in those you love is so hard to watch also. Glad though that you have let yourself be distracted with art, and what better art than photography to be able to express that way you are feeling. Blessings and comfort to you

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  12. All my love to you and your family Kathy. My heart goes out and I'm so very sorry for these lives lost. Your words are a beautiful tribute to those remembered. Sending lots of cyber hugs my friend. xoxo

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