April 23, 2015

"Suddenly I see...


...this is not what I wanna be.  However, I can only see this if held at arms length without my reading glasses!  SML, I somehow went directly from Flintstones multivitamins to Centrum Silver.  And if you don't know what SML means, chances are we are sharing the same rickety boat. Note: relying on Urban Dictionary to give meaning to the vocab encountered in social media means...you are probably in the Centrum Silver zone too. Silver is apparently the new gray.  The optimist in me says that's a good thang.  Gray evokes dull, colorless, boring, gloomy, somber images (despite what AARP leads you to believe).  On the other hand, silver brings on visions of a magical, sophisticated, chic, shimmery sort. Grandmas have gray hair, movie stars have silver.  Moi?  Only my hairdresser knows for sure. Regardless, the pessimist in me says...SML.



"SML"
IPhone


What I CAN see clearly, without aid of reading glasses OR long arms, is that I have a clear disconnect between how old I am, and how old I perceive myself to be.  Gotta tell ya, I think it all began when Obama was elected president.  Twas the beginning of my gloomy, somber and gray outlook for one main reason.  Because I am older than him.  SML, I'm older than the freakin' President of the United States!  Older than the perceived leader of the FREE WORLD!  And THAT is how you know you have left the town of Bedrock destined for Centrum-ville.  Disclaimer:  I would hold a Republican president to the same standard of blame.  

The disconnect is a conundrum.  I travel.  I eat out (probably too much).  I go to happy hour (when I'm not too tired).  I've done Saun T's Insanity TWICE (and cursed like a teenager the whole time).  I'm currently kickin' FitBit's butt.  I dream.  I make sh*t happen (when I want to).  I consider myself a 'cool mom' because I'm never gonna show up at school in sweatpants and a scrunchy (despite what the Things might think).  I usually either know all the answers, or can bluff really well (when I can remember the questions).  I never see myself as joining the  "gray silver sneakers" brigade at my gym.  And I'm young enough to not be smart enough to know that I should "never say never".

But then there's that OTHER hand, the one that has the age spots.  When I sign onto Facebook I get sidebar ads for pelvic mesh class action lawsuits, menopausal supplements, dementia symptoms, and 60 minute face lifts.  Add insult to injury, I'm reminded by my teenage Thing #3 that Facebook is for "old people".  The vast majority of my friends have had knee and/or hip replacements.  My favorite news updates are the "20 Years Ago Today" segments.  I consider it a lucky day when I get a parking spot close to a store entrance, and sometimes do a celebratory dance in my driver's seat (it's dang impressive AND burns calories).  I have more patience, probably because I just don't care anymore about certain things.  Younger guys at the gym often help me remove the heavy weights left on my machine by the jerk before me. When I look around, I'm often the oldest in the room.  And probably most upsetting of all...my Thing #1 is old enough to be losing HIS hair (my apologies to Thing #1 for the outing).  SML.

The good news?  Sometimes I actually forget how old I am.  And I don't mean "conveniently" forget.  I mean the kind of forget I use to admonish MY mom about..."Seriously mom, how can you FORGET how freakin' old you are?!?!?!?"  And you know what?  I'm far from alone.  I read that someone turns 50 every 7 seconds.  Boo-yah.  Misery loves company, and so does Centrum Silver.  And just because I now take Centrum Gray Silver doesn't mean I'm dead yet.  I just have less time than I use to when Flintstones were my posse'.  But that just means I have less time to spend with people or things that don't make me happy.  So anyone I delete from my apparently antiquated Facebook's "friends" list...just blame the Centrum Silver.  IF I can remember the password. SML.







Here's where I "link up" today.



(click on image for description of Song-ography)
Next Tuesday's Song-ography title suggestion is "Automatic" by Miranda Lambert.
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