May 9, 2013

Black hole...


What I have learned.


1.  I am far from perfect.

2.  I will forever be a work in progress, and I am good with that realization.

3.  Mistakes aren't always a bad thing.  Sometimes you can learn the most from those errors in judgement and non-perfect happenings life throws      your way.

4.  I'm pretty sure I will be done with life, when I am done learning.

5.  I'm not in any rush for either.  So keep pitching life lessons my way God.



"Emerging from a Black Hole"
Bryn Athyn, PA



Mistakes are okay.  Making the same ones over and over again?  Not so much.  To keep falling into that all too familiar black hole.  Because when that happens, it means the onus is totally on you.  It isn't a mistake anymore, it's morphed into a choice.  You haven't learned anything.  You might actually be a bit dense to keep repeating the pattern.  Go straight to the blackboard and write "I am a moron" fifty times, then go back to your desk and put your head down on your Life is Unfair textbook.

What I have recently learned is that some "friendships" are like this.  They feel like a black hole of negativity.  They swallow up any positive energy being thrown their way, and suck you right in. I'm old enough, and smart enough, to realize life is too short for these black holes.  And quite honestly, calling them a "friendship" is a misnomer.  When it comes right down to it, you can only say "Help I've fallen and I can't get up" so many times before the responsibility shifts totally to you and your responsibility for putting yourself in that situation.  Recently I have been telling myself "Back away from the black hole dummy".  From my mistakes I have learned that there are some who just will never give back and who are quite comfortable living in that black hole of negativity.  Not only do they like it there, they want people to keep them company.  Personally, I like lighter and brighter digs to kick back in.  Darkness has it's purpose, it helps us to truly appreciate the light.  But given the choice, I'm gonna choose light every single time.

Most living organisms will naturally head towards the light to survive.  Black holes aren't the natural habitat for anything other than massive stars that have run out of fuel.  They've hit "empty" on their energy gauge, both literally and figuratively.  My mistake has been believing it's okay to put up with a relationship that isn't symbiotic and fueled by negativity BECAUSE you consider the person a friend.  But what I've learned from that mistake is a REAL friend would never consider asking you to share a black hole with them because it isn't conducive to a healthy survival.   Sometimes...you need to break free and head towards your own light.  Escape the black hole before you are totally sucked in.  Learn from your mistake.  Thrive.

Still a work in progress.  Still learning.  Still good with that realization.








34 comments:

  1. I've been there too. You can only give just so much without getting anything in return. One-way streets are a good way to crash and burn.

    Lovely photo. I think that plant escaped from the black hole and is now thriving happily in its own little space.

    www.rickandlynne.com/lynne

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  2. Maybe it's just me...but this lesson has taken at least a few tries and some knocks over the head for me. Hardest for me...staying out of that black hole when it's a family member that lives there. It can be done!

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  3. In my 59 years here on this planet I have let go of numerous relationships that I felt were sucking the life out of me. Generally it was because they were just such negative, screwed up people or complainers, or excuse makers, or liars. I've seen them all in my lifetime and it becomes easier over the years to recognize them and just not get involved too deeply with them in the first place. Sorry someone has let you down. You're right. It's time to let that relationship GO.

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  4. You have crossed the first threshold and that is recognition...now follow through and come into the light (omg I sound like some wise old woman, nope, just someone who has been there, done that)

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    1. I will give you everything BUT the "old woman" part Deanna :)

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  5. The equally frustrating sibling of "the black hole" friendship is the one who always knows everything and will never listen. Or, by chance they do catch a few of your words, they immediately rebuff them. Those kind of relationships are also very lopsided to the point where you begin to feel invisible (or worse...you begin to question your own knowledge) and just shut-up and listen to their "allknowingness". They both need the boot!! :-)

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  6. You have no idea how timely this is!!! I too have learned (but still repeat) to remove the toxic ones from my life and keep the "real" ones. Amazing how tough it can be though to rid yourself of those you considered "friends" when they become toxic and stay that way.

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  7. I had/have? a relationship like this with a family member who I can't just cut out of my life, but I did confront the issue and things are much better. Great post and food for thought Kathy. xo

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    1. Nancy, it would have to be a TRIPLE Black Hole to cut a family member out. Totally understand the inability to do that. Family gets cut some super duper EXTRA slack, IMO.

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  8. I can so understand. Gorgeous thoughts, my dear.

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  9. You've written some very important truths here ... but that doesn't make them any easier to learn, does it? Great post.

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  10. Can you see the collective nod of agreement? Funny how we can all think of yucky situations like this where you feel used, and ignored. I'm a big believer in being encouraging, supportive, and being a shoulder to cry on. However, there are people from time to time that get stuck on one speed of choosing to overly focus on the bad, that they never see the good. They wear a pall of gloom constantly. They tend to feel they enough isn't being done for them either. I want to focus on the blessings and the good. Sometimes I'm tempted to ask these people to quickly name 3 things they are thankful for when the complaints start. Complaining is a hobby.

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  11. ditch them - you are way too cool for Debbie Downers.

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    1. Nicki, it truly is amazing how much life it sucks outta ya. Not so sure about the "too cool" part BUT...I think you just reach a point where you realize you just aren't going to get thru or make any difference so why get sucked in any further.

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  12. Living in a glass half empty world is hard work and hard for those around. Banish those black hole people and welcome the light!

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  13. Well, I can totally relate just like everyone here before me. Seems I have had a propensity to attract people with issues and then feel the need to help them...I have been drug into (I guess willingly) the black hole so many times where I have burned up in the atmosphere. There are two kinds of people I can't be around anymore...those who fail to see the glass really is half full (sometimes it means you have to stand on your head to see it) ;) and fake people, those who pretend to be someone they really are not. When my husband was out of work for an entire year, I had people wondering why I was so happy...because no matter our circumstances there is always something to be grateful for. But I guess just as in everything else that happens to us in life sometimes we need to step into a black hole to realize the light is so much better!!

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  14. Yes, I can relate. It has taken me a long time to realize that it's OK to take care of myself and let some people go in my life. I have learned that I can't take a lot of drama. And I REALLY can't take dishonesty. And I don't have to. Great post!

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  15. Hmmm so interested... I have some of these...so sad it is family...what does one do!!

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  16. I have a friend that isn't so much a "black hole" but she makes me angry almost every time she opens her mouth. Friend? why? why? why? Great post - made me think.

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  17. You can only hep people who want to be helped!

    Mollyxxx

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  18. i can totally relate, and from all the comments before me, looks like we all do.

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  19. You are right it is a choice, it is just listening to that little voice who tells us before we do get in over our heads and hearts..beautiful photo too bad the fountain is dry...

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  20. Darkness has it's purpose...this is so true and it should help us learnt o not be overwhelmed when the dark times come. Plus the sun does always shine :-)

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  21. Truly wise words...I have had similar experiences in my life and have learned from them.

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  22. Okay, so were you standing in my kitchen about 10pm last night listening to my phone conversation with my neighbor and the black hole she was trying to suck me into????
    Honestly, I hung up & looked @ Dream Boy and said, "wow - she can take any situation I'm in & turn the conversation into HER life story." That's why I've backed aways & keep reaching for the lighter side of life!
    Great words of wisdom - learning right along side of you.

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  23. If it is not a member of your family - run! Easier said than done I know.Looking at all the comments above it seems that we have a lot in common.Maybe it is a female weakness to always hope that the person in question might turn from " dark" to "light"?

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    1. True, family is a much different story. Not any "easier"...but different :)

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  24. I think we all intend to try and learn from our mistakes but it's funny how you find yourself (at least I do) making the same stupid mistakes over and over. Hmmmm. Other times I find myself knowingly making the right choice to not make the same mistake again. And as far as friendships tha are black holes.... heck yeah I think we can all relate. I have relatives that are black holes too unfortunately

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  25. Wonderful post, I've not been there but very much agree with your assessment. Help people, be supportive yes...but at some point they must help themselves.
    Sandy's Space

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  26. Such a good post. I think people like us-that keep going to the black hole want to give those people the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile-those black hole life suckers know full well what they're doing. I'm happy to be where I am in life and have no qualms about not giving a "you know what" to these people that somehow have learned to survive in this shallow place and I even suspect enjoy the drama. Friends would never invite u to such a bleak place.

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  27. This was a great post...by reading all the comments I would say you have hit a sore spot with a lot of people. Looks like we all have been sucked in that black hole sometime in our life. But the biggest thing I took away from this post...is life is TOO SHORT...to put up with bad behavior♥ Have a great mothers day.

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  28. What a wonderful reflective post!

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