Smile.
Yep, that's my resolution, word, goal for 2015. I'm sure it doesn't sound as profound, or as lofty of a goal, as many others might have. But for Moi? Smiling is serious business.
"Serious Business"
IPhone
"Hello, my name is Kathy and I suffer from Resting B*tch Face (RBF)."
For those who do not know, RBF is a curse suffered by a person who naturally looks mean when her default face is expressionless. Apparently I tend to look hostile and/or judgemental when my face is at rest. Where some look angelic and peaceful? I look pissed, upset, depressed. At best, maybe confused? I wouldn't believe it myself, if I haven't seen candid photos "ad nauseum" of myself, that scare the bejeezus even outta me!
RBF sabotages first impressions. Which is especially hurtful when younger and you care more about that kinda stuff. Actually, maybe you never outgrow the judgements and impact of a negative first impression. People think you are intimidating, or unapproachable, or worse...a snob. That is until they summon the nerve to actually get to know you.
"Kathy?!?!? She's just got a RBF, she's actually very sweet...once you gather the courage and get to know her."
It's a conundrum. I am forever asked "What's wrong?". When in fact there was nothing wrong UNTIL you asked me! Now I'm ticked off and look it (not that anyone would notice any difference in my expression). A vicious cycle.
I could be relaxing, listening as part of a conversation, driving my car, thinking about what to make for dinner, pushing a shopping cart in Target, vacuuming the house, typing this post...and you would probably think I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. But I swear..I'm fine. I'm happy. I'm content. I'm rested. I'm relatively stress free. Despite what you see. And seriously, shouldn't people be MORE concerned seeing someone who is smiling ALL the time? Serial killer alert!
"You Should Smile More Sweetie"
IPhone
Resting B*tch Face isn't contagious. But apparently it can be hereditary. My Thing #3 suffers the same malady. Case in point, she was singing with her acapella group at a retirement home over the holidays. She returned home from her gig completely p*ssed off (for REAL...not just RBF!) as witnessed by the stomping of Doc Martens.
Moi: What's wrong? (disclaimer: I KNOW I shouldn't ask that!)
Thing #3: We got done singing and this old woman actually made the effort to pull ME aside to tell me "You should SMILE more sweetie".
Moi: I'm sure she THOUGHT she was telling you something helpful.
Thing #3: I wanted to punch her!
Moi: THAT would have gone over well.
Thing #3: I don't care. I was FINE until she said that!
Moi: Just blame it on being German. We are stern looking and visibly emotionless people.
Thing #3: I'd rather be Italian.
Moi: Join the club!
Moi: Join the club!
I am in good RBF company: Victoria Beckham, Renee Zellweger, Kristen Stewart, and...Michelle Obama (Yep, I would say that even if I were a Democrat, I swear!). And luckily, despite what it looks like on the outside, I'm smiling a majority of the time on the inside. UNTIL you ask me "What's wrong?" or "Did I do something to upset you?" or "You would be so much prettier if you would smile!". Then? I wanna punch you too.
So I think it's finally time to do something about it. Because quite frankly, even tho it isn't my responsibility to be every one's little Miss Sunshine...I don't enjoy my default face being a DEF CON #1 face either. So my resolution, word, goal for 2015?
So I think it's finally time to do something about it. Because quite frankly, even tho it isn't my responsibility to be every one's little Miss Sunshine...I don't enjoy my default face being a DEF CON #1 face either. So my resolution, word, goal for 2015?
1. Admit my problem
2. Make light of my problem
3. And for cryin' out loud...SMILE more Sweetie!
Because, I'm fine...nothing is wrong! Really!
Here's where I "link up" today.
(click on image for description of Song-ography)
Next Tuesday's Song-ography title suggestion is "This is the New Year" by A Great Big World.
Come back and link up!
Come back and link up!
Lmao-your are such a gifted writer. Omg-this could go down as one of your best posts yet!!!!! Personally-your beautiful with any face you put forward!!
ReplyDeleteLove this!! I'm not much of a smiler either.
ReplyDeleteLol i too have screen 'resting' position so I can sympathise !!
ReplyDeleteOh me too! I didn't know this was the diagnosis but I too suffer! LOL> Thanks for sharing! :)
ReplyDeletehah! This is great! I catch myself sometimes with not the smiley-est of faces and try to correct it so I don't have RBF.
ReplyDeleteHi Kathy, it's soooo nice that you have something in common with your daughter. The only thing I have in common with mine is that she's female and she has ABF or all the time bitch face. I lady I worked with once told the boss, "she's smiles too much, she's up to something." LOL She was paranoid that I was after her job. My motto is "smile and they'll think you are up to something." You do have a beautiful smile. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteI think that's a great word to have. It was most amusing to read about your daughters experience at the nursing home and her conversation with you afterwards.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to "see" you Renee...I've missed your blog and have been wondering if all is well. Hopefully, you have just been relaxing and taking a well deserved break!
DeleteI'm on the floor laughing....because....I so relate. I too suffer the same malady, yep. And to make matters worse when I think I am smiling, apparently I'm not smiling big enough. I even have a crooked smile...I have to concentrate to get both corners to go up at the same level or I look like I've had a stroke. Muahahaha....Love your word! But P.S.- you do have one of the best smiles! :)
ReplyDeleteI love your beautiful smile, Kathy ... Your eyes are smiling as well - You're surely gonna have fan crowd following you if you keep smiling like that when out and about! ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm giggling here to your fab description! - A great word for 2015!
hi Kathy ... I could not help myself from smiling as I read your post ... even a giggle!! Love your word for this new year!!!
ReplyDeleteGermamy heritage might be the culprit- guilty of that myself. For what it's worth - you have a beautiful smile.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year,Kathy! Thanks for the laugh. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat photos.
ReplyDeleteyou are TOO cute. x
You do have a lovely, infectious smile!!! Years ago, I looked at my mother and grandmother, with the corners of their mouths turned down, and decided I did not want to look like that when I got old, so I spent a lot of time training the corners of my mouth to perk up. Husband says it didn't work...
ReplyDeleteToo funny! you are gorgeous (and a very talented writer!)
ReplyDeleteA great post...it made me smile...love your writing style and your smile.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much...I had to come back and read it again! It's a little ironic....your gift of spreading humor and joy and bringing smiles to our faces doesn't jive with your condition of RBF. I do know about the "hereditary" issue...my son-in-law could fill a small book with the idiosyncracies that exist in both mother and daughter. I love the choice you've made - and hope it will get the overly-eager-to-help off your back!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I wouldn't have thought it of you. I also suffer from this. Hope 2015 keeps you smiling!
ReplyDeleteAhhh! Kathy!! I love this!! I never knew there was a name for it, you have enlightened my whole world. :)
ReplyDeleteI am the polar opposite. For years and years I've been self conscious over the fact that I smile TOO MUCH. I feel like a goon when I occasionally catch myself. And your description of people thinking you're unapproachable, intimidating, etc.. perfectly goes along with my own opposite experience of feeling that EVERYONE opens up to me and wants to tell me their life story within minutes. My husband is more the intimidating, unapproachable, man of steely ice type... though soft underneath, people have often assumed he's either mean or scary or stuck up... (Ha! I'm glancing at our family photo.. prime example of Goony Smiling Me and Mr. Tough Guy.) He witnesses the phenomenon of strangers feeling compelled to engage me with conversation, and shakes his head each time. He always says, "Now I see why it takes you so long to pick up one thing in a store!"
My case gets me into conundrums as well. For instance - I go to Jamaica, get off the boat.. those with RBF stroll right on down the street as they please, to enjoy their vacation. But me, oh, dear me, I am mobbed (MOBBED!) by begging children who I realize afterward are not so much needy, but master swindlers who see a smiling face like mine from a mile away & attack. And then the hustlers, oh the hustlers, I can't get them off my back!!!! Jamaica was a rude awakening for me to work on times of NO EYE CONTACT. NO SMILING AT PEOPLE! I could go on & write a book right now.
But instead, I'll just say, that while I love your resolution to smile more and support you 100%.. you should know that sometimes people like me, the smilers, ADMIRE YOU.
I see the RBF lady get in and out of a shopping market stop so fast, no check out clerks chit chatting their life to them, and think - man, I wish I had power and efficiency like that!
And, there is the extreme opposite issue that (while RBF makes people think you're ticked off or crabby, etc..) this smile on my face does NOT mean everything is always ok or I'm always happy. I grin and bear it through times when I should actually let people know that I'm a little ticked off or irritated. Or when I'm really quite uncomfortable or unenthused to be somewhere. The easy smile gives people the wrong impression, and encourages more of what I'm actually avoiding sometimes. I digress.
Happy New Year and Happy Smiling, Kathy!
Amanda..you have certainly made me see things from the "other" side of the smile/non-smile. I had never thought of it from your perspective. I guess the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence...or the smile :)
DeleteTOTALLY have this too! And my mom. I like that Ms. Beckham is in our company (-: (see I can smile!)
ReplyDeleteThis post totally made me smile because I am so that person here. AND.. I remember having the same 'problem' you daughter had with being told to smile more often with I was a kid. Happy New Year :) :) :) :)
ReplyDeleteWell you are not alone out there..... My hubby will ask me that same question what's wrong and it's nothing is wrong but now there is.... So glad to here someone else say they get this all the time toooooo I'm smiling inside great post Kathy
ReplyDeleteGosh - you made me laugh ! Hope that you will have a wonderful year with many smiles!
ReplyDelete