"And Then He Winked"
As is typical of Alzheimer's, I lost my dad a long time before he physically left us. Conversations were one-sided and frustrating. Exercises in futility. I just kept reminding myself that I was spending time with dad, and that's what matters. That deep down inside that diseased brain of his, he knew who I was and he loved me. My saving grace was a couple weeks before he passed, dad did find a way to manage to speak to me. He came to me in a dream. He told me everything he needed to say to me. I told him everything I needed to say to him. I woke up smiling. One and a half years later...I have yet to dream of him again. Yet he is always in my thoughts.
Since dad's passing, I have made a choice to live my life in a way he would be proud. Truth? I've always tried to do this. But I've been more successful once I made a conscious choice to honor dad in this way. It hasn't always been easy. I've lost a few I considered friends along the way. I've realized what dad always told me is true...doing the right thing doesn't mean it's easy, it just means it's the right thing to do. And that simple statement has opened my eyes to how often people opt to take the easy way out of a situation, rather than choose the sometimes harder action that you know is right.
One and a half years. Finality. It was time for a visit. So on Father's Day, I went to the cemetery. I hadn't been there since we laid dad's ashes to rest. It wasn't easy...but it was the right thing to do. When I was done crying. When I was done being angry with God and the universe not FOR taking dad, but HOW he took him. When I was done telling dad what I would have told him if he had revisited me in a dream....I looked up from where I was sitting. Thru the tree branches and the brilliant sunlight. Dad found a way to give me a wink. One of those winks he use to give me that indicated "everything is alright kiddo" or...."don't tell mom". He understood everything I told him, and I understood everything he told me. But sorry dad, I AM going to tell mom!
Happy Father's Day Pops. It was most definetly the RIGHT thing to do.
Here's where I "link up" today.
Please join me on Sundays for Song-ography.
This week's song title is Passenger's "Scare Away the Dark"