"Oh how I regret not having worn a bikini...

...for the entire year I was twenty-six.

If anyone young is reading this, go, right this minute,

put on a bikini and don't take it off till you are thirty-four."

-Nora Ephron

If there was ever a true straight shooter on love, marriage, divorce, parenting, feminism, aging, youth...on being a woman in general, it was Nora Ephron.  I always admired her ability to cut thru the cr*p and tell it like it is, yet shroud it in a veil of humor at the same time.  Because sometimes you just gotta laugh at things to take away their power over you. The world lost a true genius when the writer/film maker passed away recently at 71 years of youth.  So today, Stasha at Monday Listicles challenged us with a Nora Ephron-esque list of "Things I will miss, and things I won't miss" in our lives.

Things I Won't Miss (much)...

1.  Being told what to do

Sure, you want me to move in that direction?  You are going to have to wait til I'm done laughing before I can completely ignore you.

2.  Wrinkles

I don't feel my age on most days...so why should I have to LOOK it?

3.  Bad hair days decades

There is a very good reason why men wore their hair in pony tails in colonial Philadelphia....the freakin' Philly humidity.  At least there were no colonial scrunchies.  

4.  BIRDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pigeons, aka rats with wings.  The only bird worse is a sea gull.  They seem to find me EVERYWHERE and hone in on me with their sophisticated aerial radar devices.  Here I am sitting minding my own business on the 11th floor...and a flying rat comes to pay his respects.  I was debating whether to wear my hair behind my ears or not...Rat Man suggested a pony tail.  See why I hate them? 

5.  Watching what I eat

I'm seriously banking on the fact that there are no calories in Heaven, pints of Ben & Jerry ice cream are considered part of a healthy life-style, tread mills are outlawed, and Nikes come in heels AND a nude patent leather.

6.  Cleaning up messes

Yep, both literally and figuratively.

What I WILL miss (a lot)...

1.    Naps

The complete and utter joy of doing nothing... and then napping afterwards to recuperate.


2.  The magic of Christmas

The anticipation, the excitement, the decorating, the smells, the colors, the love....the UPS man!!!!!!

3.  My favorite blanket

...that I always seem to have to wrestle away from one of my Things, my dogs, wayward neighborhood children, and the UPS man.

4.  Adirondack Chairs

...especially the two in my backyard that I like to plop in with a glass of wine at the end of a day.

5.  Peanut M & M's

(self portrait #25...argh this is getting REALLY hard!!!!! Remind me again why I signed up for this?)

 

Thank goodness you don't need a prescription for these mood-enhancing babies.  AND...they melt in your mouth, not your in your hands.  Actually,  I don't think ANY chocolate can melt in my hands.  I scarf it down waaay too quickly. 

6.  Side Splitting, Gut Wrenching, Snort Inducing.....Laughs

If I HAVE to get wrinkles and grow older...I'm just going to call them laugh lines and blame the Things and Better Half.  Actually, I will miss blaming them for LOTS of things.  Which I guess is probably on THEIR list of things they will NOT miss.  But they need to get their own blog and camera for that.


R.I.P Nora.  I'm betting that everyone in heaven has a great memory, necks that don't sag, are forever young and wearing bikinis.  Okay scratch that last one, that would look awkward with wings.  Maybe yoga pants and a tank top because we want to be comfortable while looking awesome.  Your kinda place.

--Kathy

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