August 5, 2013

Bat Sh*t Crazy and my road to forgiveness...


The heavy on words, week that was...

Sometimes, ya have a week where there is nada of interest happening, except being sick. But reality is sometimes life is just BLAH. I fought a germ and the germ won.  Doesn't happen often.  I'm not good at it. Basically I'm a freakin' baby when I'm sick.  BUT my germs gave me lots of time to think about things, besides what to photograph for Project 52 and playing around with various light and camera settings. That's about all you can do when it hurts to move your head, as long as you don't over do it by thinking too strenuously.

I don't like to weigh my problems and issues against anyone else's, because who wants to win anything because you weigh more?  Gotta love any opportunity I get to quote a Negro spiritual, but "nobody knows the trouble I've seen"... and I've certainly not seen yours.  So I try hard not to judge. The last 365 days won't make my countdown of top 53+ years.  With all that has transpired, the thing that is the least of my serious concerns, is the thing that has caused me the most anger and frustration.  Friendships. When the other issues involve family, friends come after them on my "importance-o-meter".  More specifically, friendships where I seriously miscalculated their value.  I thought higher, they thought lower. In my mind, friendships aren't places where you finagle over the value, or split the difference.  I'm not bargain shopping in this department.  I'd rather have a couple of true treasures, than a closet full of knock-offs.  Not everyone feels the same.


"Forgiving Bat Sh*t Crazy"
July 29 - August 5, 2013
Project 52 (31/52)
Self-Portrait


Everyone goes thru peaks and valleys.  I truly TRY to be there for friends who need support navigating thru their down times.  Sometimes I can do more to help than others. But I try. What I never expected, until I was in my own valley, is that not everyone feels the same way. And it hurt. Lives went on, trivial conversations continued, daily complaints about everyday inconveniences never stopped, no inquiries were made, and I grew increasingly hurt and frustrated.  And because I'm very far from perfect, I morphed into anger.  Eventually, it all came to a head.  Words were said, 'tudes were tossed, feelings were hurt, there was even the ultimate diss...the dreaded "unfriendings" on Facebook.  And this all went down while I was traversing a deep valley in my life, when friendship should be a true life vest, instead of an anchor.  People who I thought would have my back, didn't.  And it cut.  It's been a few months now, the situation still bothers me.  Especially when I'm sick and stuck at home with nothing to do but think and feel sorry for myself.

But I've started to notice there IS a contentment in the absence.  Granted, I'm not in a valley anymore so my view is clearer.  Yet I'm still hurt, and I'm still angry.  My hurt is a result of their actions. But my anger is now directed at moi.  I realized I'm obviously not as good of a judge of people as I thought I was.  And I truly hate over paying for anything, monetarily or emotionally. I've always kinda prided myself in having these insights, but they totally abandoned me. And that pi$$es me off!   So it was ironic that I turned on my computer this popped up on my screen:


"Forgive others,
not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace."


Have you ever truly experienced an Oprah "A-HA!" moment?  Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget, or you even want to be in a friendship again. It just means you want to let it go, release it to the universe...for your own sense of peace. Truth is I'm tired of being hurt and mad.  In this new light I might be able to do this forgiveness thing.  They say everyone comes into our lives for a purpose.  Maybe it was to teach me people have different definitions of friendship, or that I need to fine tune my character judgements, or to value the few TRUE friends I already have in my life, or that just because I help someone else doesn't mean others will do the same for me....or maybe I need to work on forgiveness, for my own peace.  I still had doubts. 

The next morning I signed on to the grand Poo-bah of wisdom...others call it Facebook.  A friend of mine, truly wise beyond his years and obvious good looks, posted a gem that was a bulls-eye on any remaining doubt I had in accomplishing this forgiveness thing:


"Sometimes the first step towards forgiveness
is realizing the other person is totally bat sh*t crazy."


Oprah "A-HA!" strikes again.  There's no fixing stupid, and there certainly is no vaccine for bat sh*t crazy... so how can you NOT forgive someone when they are obviously inflicted?  That would make ME a horrible person if I held resentment against people who just can't help themselves.  In this light, it sure makes forgiveness bat sh*t easy folks!  And truth is, we probably all suffer in varying degrees from the Bat Sh*t Crazies, it's apparently epidemic.  I'm totally over it, forgiveness accomplished, it's in the universe, I'm feelin' good.  All it took was one week of battling germs, Facebook, and a medical diagnosis to put it into perspective. Forgiveness truly does bring peace, and if you are lucky...a good laugh.







Please join me on Sundays for "Song-ography".
This week's song title is Joni MItchell's "Both Sides Now.

32 comments:

  1. i just sent this to a friend, we were just in the past hour emailing about our hurt feelings, from family members that hurt us, back and forth. this hit the nail right on the head for me... hope all turns out well

    I spent a few minutes going through some of your older posts and so much beauty lifts my soul...

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    1. Well, I'm sorry the Pennsylvania "Bat Sh*t Crazy" outbreak has spread beyond state borders :). If you find a cure, please let me know, haha. Sometimes, ya just gotta laugh. Thank you for your kind words!

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  2. Been through this...but the 'friend' was a back-stabbing lying sister of all people. Letting it go is the only way, glad you found that too. And I still have two other siblings who suffered from her also so at least I am not alone questioning my sanity over it.

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  3. I teared up then cracked up reading this! It's full of greatness. Thanks.

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  4. You are so stinking amazing with words. I can so relate. Love that you're so honest and open. Hugs!!

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  5. This is beyond awesome!!! I love your honesty and am so glad that you have found peace!

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  6. Kath, I think we have all been there at least once! I have truly found my real friends in life...and though they are few, I know in my heart they are the real deal...true gems. I know they are always there, no matter what. Now of course, some are there for different reasons, to hear me rant, another is there to craft with, another to study with...you get the picture. And to cheer you, here's a post about forgiving that I had to write when I was being dissed, not too long ago. Enjoy. http://turnthepage25.blogspot.com/2012/10/lessons-learned.html

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  7. ...because you deserve peace!! So absolutely spot on.Took me many years to come to that conclusion and ,yes, it did hurt but I am feeling better without these persons in my life and I cherish the friends I have now.i always thought wisdom and a better judgement of people will improve with age...gosh so wrong! But there is always hope. You are blessed with a wonderful family as am I, they are my " to lean on ". I don't do Facebook.....I guess that helps?!
    Love reading your blog and your Sunday challenge!

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  8. Your words and feelings are familiar to me, mostly from family though. When family de-friends it hurts! You have walked though quite the forgiveness process with a much needed perspective change. I live for those when I am struggling through stuff. Thanks for you honesty here! Love, Rachael @ Inking the Heart (your neighbor at lowercase letters)

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  9. I so understand this! I'm truly sorry that you are having to go through it, but thankful that you realize forgiveness is often for you and for you to have peace. I have walked this valley a bit over the last few years. I've concluded that very few people know how to give, or at least reciprocate. So yeah, you are right, it isn't often about us, but about them. It's hard not to internalize the way others treat us. I'm working towards realizing that 4 quarters is better than 100 pennies.

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    1. Love that analogy of 4 quarters is better than 100 pennies :)

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  10. just keepin' it real girl!! "it's not always rainbows and butterflies".....

    i always enjoy my visits here!!

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  11. Dang! Your post hit me like a ton of bricks!!!!
    When I was going through my "dark period" over this past winter I started to notice that certain people who I thought were "friends" were apparently just acquaintances. I won't get into details but ..... it bothered me!!!!! Still does!!!!
    I'd love to let it go! But I thought we were "friends"!!!! Oh well. My problem, I guess!
    Great post......thanks for sharing.

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  12. Oh my gosh . . . did I ever need to read this right now. I may even save it to re-read in the future when I need to. I've just gotten 90% over the hump of a "friendship" that hurt me and left me feeling confused and WTH did I do? Obviously it's THEIR problem now, not mine. Thanks for opening my eyes.

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  13. Love your post, I think we have all been here at one point or another, maybe just not as mature as today, but love your words of wisdom and I think you are spot on! Thank goodness for a few good words that reel us back in! Hope your feeling better and the germs have left the country!

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  14. "holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head"

    This so made me think of this quote. I think we've all traveled this road at one point or another in our lives. Sad to think that the values of others are not the same as ours when it involves human feelings. I've learned to "let it go" and live on with my life. Yes, I carry the hurt & anger for awhile, but I soon realize that it's not worth the effort and that there are people who do have the same values as mine and I focus on the positive they bring into my life.

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  15. Thank you for your words of wisdom Kathy. I too have struggled with similar over the past couple of years and after therapy and having to pay to have someone tell me I wasn't wrong to feel the way I was I have too forgiven and moved on. Those who did me wrong weren't losing any sleep, I am, so why should I. In the words of the Portuguese, soft knife, or "faca mal." Yes, it sounds just like you think it does. I wish we were close by, I'd have your back girlfriend.

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    1. Us "Blackburns" have to stick together :)

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  16. Oh boy does this resonate...beautiful and truthful my friend. I remember the first and only time I've had to unfriend a"friend" it was gut wrenching but necessary-then I pretty much quit FB all together-too many bat sh*t people who only have time for them selves. I swear I'm becoming more and more reclusive to NOT have to deal with these people-they're everywhere. Glad you are feeling better from the germ and the bat sh*t person-who maybe should be floatin out in the universe where all the sh*t we unload is hee hee.

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  17. This is an amazing post. It touched me, because I've got some forgiving to do, too. I have plenty of anger and resentment that I've been holding on to, and I know how hard it is to let go. You have shared a lot of wisdom here, and I've got some thinking to do. You're right--there's no vaccine for bat shi*t crazy, so I might as well just let them go because THEY are making ME sick.

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  18. Friendship is as complicated as love, maybe because it's simply another type of love, and just as powerful? You write so eloquently about this - I think everyone can relate to what you've dealt with. I'm glad you've reached some resolution about it all! Sorry you were sick - I hope you're all better now. As always, thanks for sharing your lovely writing and humor!

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  19. Interesting and insightful. Somewhere along the years I've found comfort in taking the high road (not always my first choice) and less stress in turning the other cheek (when my instinct would be to bitch-slap). I haven't hit the point of being content to stay in the right lane and simply mosey down the road, completely avoiding the rage of racing in the left lane - but for my sanity (or what remains thereof) - I do try.

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  20. Had to wake up and re-read....I was tired and emotional after my trip/travels yesterday. I could write so much. First, I'll just say thanks for the dose of humor that often seasons your thoughts. I hope it helps you, cause it sure helps those of us who read here! My current conclusion - after a few YEARS of semi-reclusive healing...is that I can just BE the kind of friend I want to be - I still want to risk it. My heart, that is. Cause I need my heart to be out there and invested. More than I need something to come back my way. I'm just not right if my heart's not out there. So, it might get bumped and bruised, but if I pull back, I'm actually way worse off. Anyhow - that's enough! Hugs! (and hope you're feeling better!)

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  21. Friendships? Now that is opening up a can of worms for me! I have finally come to the conclusion that my "friend" radar is off-kilter. And on my part, I seem to gravitate to those sparkly friends that, upon closer examination, are quick to judge me rather than support me. To knock me over rather than make sure I don't fall. And like you, I would rather have a couple of great friends than a bevy of so-so kind of people surrounding me. I have always been that way! So, know that you are not alone in having these feelings and experiences. Trust me, I hear it all the time!

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  22. Ahhh!! I totally relate and am there walking valleys parallel to yours.
    In fact, when I shared in your "lean on me" songography.. there were many things on my mind. I post for myself, but if others can find something in it, than it is all the better.. Well.. I'm going to admit that sometimes I have subliminal messages I may be trying to send to people closer to me. What I hope for my children - is often what I find lacking in my own life. I've been dissatisfied and -going out on a limb here- even hurting in the department of friendship & there-for-you-ship with my own siblings / sisters whom I considered my closest friends. It's crummy to feel forgotten, un-valued.. dissed.. wronged.. what-have-you.
    I read a pinterest quote (actually just pinned it earlier today) that said when it comes to friends, "I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies"... well sometimes maybe we confuse our pocket change.
    I personally have few people I count on as real friends in life. And I'm ok with that. But darn - it does put a lot of trust riding on the ones I do think I can count on.
    I've been trying to keep my chin up - making peace with what is. You have to either let it go or be dragged. Make peace with the people who are a problem, or make peace with letting them go.
    Oprah moments - they rock. :)

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  23. What an amazing and heartfelt post. I learned that same lesson years ago. I still have many acquaintances but know exactly who my real friends are. I just try to keep it in perspective. I know how rough it can be. I still sometimes mourn the loss of some I thought were very good friends from many years ago. It sucks but as long as we know, really know, we can accept and move on.

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  24. Wow, oh, wow! I am saving both of those quotes and posting them on my desktop. I'm sorry both for the difficulties you've been going through and for the disappointment and pain caused by your less-than-friends. It's good to hear that you're in a better place now. Thanks for sharing - I suspect reading this will help more people than you know who are struggling with forgiveness.

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  25. Glad that you are feeling some resolving of this! Think it is something that we have all been through, and sometimes it is just hard to let these things go. Definitely a benefit when we do though, and then to just realize that all that we think are friends are not. Think that our most important time investments are in our families.

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  26. It took me sometime to realize that your best friend better be yourself.

    I do hope you are feeling better Kathy. Both physically and mentally. xo

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  27. Well, I just did now... the Oprah a-ha moment. Thank you for this perspective. A recent battle in my own mind (note: I seriously doubt the other party has given it any thought at all) of what did I do/say to I feel so used, back and forth, back and forth. Your right, it just needs to be let go of... DONE!

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  28. I like what Proverbs 18:24 says (literal translation): "A man of friends may be broken up, but there is a Lover (by covenant) that sticks closer than a brother." I get my strength from spending lots of time out in the garden (nature) listening to music with my true Friend.

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  29. First off, great selfie! But it is your words that resonate with me so today. Thank you!

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