Home Sweet Home
Christmas is a blur, both literally and figuratively for moi this year. Okay, okay, okay...you all KNEW I could only stay away for soooo long, didn't ya? Truth be told, I was completely blown away by all the love, support and encouragement I received after the passing of my dad. And no matter HOW far behind schedule I am (and believe me, I don't even qualify as 'fashionably late' this holiday season), I couldn't let Christmas pass without stopping for a moment to say a very sincere thank you.
I'm actuuuuually kinda feeling a resounding "OK". Which is a heck of a lot better than I thought I'd be. Don't get me wrong, God and I have mucho gabbing to do with each other. We aren't on the best terms at the moment. But I'm....."OK". I realize my blogging this past year, in part addressing what was happening with my dad, has really been quite cathartic. I was quite surprised at my dad's memorial how many told me they had been following along and could relate to my thoughts and words. Blogging made me realize I wasn't as alone in this journey as I thought I was. When the blur morphs into a more focused picture, I plan on compiling my photos and writings on Pops into a book for my Things, to help them remember the journey...both the good and the bad.
And yes, there was some "good". What could possibly have been GOOD about Alzheimer's? In some ways, it was a gift. The "long goodbye" is usually meant for the sufferer. However, what is also true is that it equally pertained to moi. What a gift it was to have both the time AND the opportunity to tell my dad everything I WANTED to say to him. And I DO believe that inside that confused brain, he understood. What he meant to me, how much I loved him, how much I appreciated him AND his multitude of life lessons. That he truly mattered. Not just to me, but to so many.
And then I had the gift of being able to help take care of him. It was only fair, as he had taken care of me for so many years. Probably waaaaaay longer than an adult daughter SHOULD have been "taken care" of by her dad. And when he was finished with us taking care of him, he gave us the gift of saying goodbye to him. Not every child has that gift. My dad didn't with his father. It is precious. In the end, Pops made sure life was fair to us...and so was death.
And finally, Alzheimer's gifted me with a perfect living example of what a marriage should be. Love, devotion, dedication, care, strength, support and doing what is right. I thank both my Pops and Madre' for that one. 54 years of marriage. Through sickness and health. Til death do they part. They were an inspiration. They were a gift.
So aside from not starting my Christmas shopping until this week, not having baked ONE single Christmas cookie, not nestled in for my annual "Love Actually" viewing, and feeling as if I should settle down for a long winter's nap....I'm doing downright "OK". Because despite the blur of this Christmas, I am so incredibly blessed.
"My Guardian Angel"
AND....I now have my own personal guardian angel looking over me. And THAT my friends, brings me an incredible sense of peace and comfort. My focus isn't so blurred as to not recognize that little factoid. So remember, whenever you hear a bell ring this Christmas season...
...an angel gets his wings. And in THIS case, it might be my Pops. And knowing dad, those wings will be properly aligned, symmetrical to a "T", and fluffed to perfection. Because that's how he rolls.
Thank you to all. Love and Peace,