Why you do the things you do...

Happy One Year Anniversary to MOI.  One year of blogging, is that the "Re-assessment" anniversary?   I have to admit I am rather shocked, SHOCKED I tell ya, that I am still here in Blog-land blogging.  And am even MORE verklempt that I have some people who are actually interested in what I have to show and tell.  My natural inclination is to think that the only people interested in what I have to say or think are....well....MOI.  Which I guess brings me right back to the beginning.  WHY I do the things I do.  Like....blog.

"Why Did I Do That?"
(self-portrait)

Truthfully, I don't think I gave much thought as to WHY I wanted to blog.  I'm pretty good at just jumping into things without any more thought than "Because I WANT to damn it".   Hate to admit this is no Earth shattering revelation to those who know me.  On the surface, I "rationalized" I wanted to be held accountable to improve my photography.  That sounded legit, right?  And I think I believed that was the initial impetus. But quite honestly, if I delve deeper I  guess I just wanted a space of my OWN to show and tell what "I" wanted to show and tell.  That becomes a rare commodity as a wife and mom.  We tend to sacrifice bits and pieces of ourselves until we willingly and happily give away so many pieces that we become unrecognizeable to ourselves.  Maybe I shouldn't assume this happens to anyone other than myself.  But sometimes I feel I am a flashing blue light special at K-Mart (haha..my family is laughing right now at the idea that I have even been IN a K-Mart) and everyone is stampeding at me.  Scratch that...I'm a pair of designer shoes at a Barney's basement sale.

At one time in my life, I was kind of a smart and funny girl...who liked shoes.  I'm just not sure where or when I lost the smart and funny part.  The shoes?  Luckily they were still in my closet.  But my Things sure didn't think I was very smart or funny.  Probably for good reason...because I wasn't anymore.  I lost my sense of humor right along with my brain cells thru the years.  But my Thing #2 STILL liked to borrow my shoes...so all was not lost.

When it comes right down to it, I blog to be me.  It's why I do many of the things I do these days.  The only role I play here in Blog-land is that of...moi.  And that is a welcome escape and sanctuary.  Funny how developing my photographic eye and skills, and dusting off my writer's pen keyboard resulted in a slow re-assembly of all those pieces of me that had been chipped away.  Having a place to show and tell exactly what "I" want to show and tell is very self-healing.  If nothing else, IF this self-evaluation is part of a mid-life crisis well then....my Better Half should be smiling that he got off without having to buy me a shiny red sports car convertible.  So I guess I also blog to save the Better Half some money, haha. Yep, still "Queen of Rationalization".

I'm 52 years old.  But since blogging...I really don't feel my age.  I think it is in part because I like what I re-discovered in myself.  I like seeing the beauty in the often unnoticed thru photography.  And I like the humor I see in the everyday happenings of my life.  And I STILL like my shoe closet.  Yes, I have a closet.  Yes, it is just for shoes.  Yes....I think that is kinda awesome, just sayin'. You know what else I think is kinda cool?  That I will have a tangible record of my words and photographs for my future grandkids (waaaaaaay future) to see.  And MAYBE they will say "WOW, (I need to first find a VERY cool name for Grandmom to fill in here) was a pretty awesome lady, AND she wore some kick-a$$ shoes too!!!!!"

It's just why I do the things I do.  Happy Anniversary to Moi...

--Kathy