Fashion Crime Scene...

Welcome to my family's annual Christmas get-together.  Come on in and get cozy.  

"Santa Tree"

We don't normally put TOO much effort into dressing up for our Christmas party. USUALLY it is a bunch of Eagle's jerseys donning our get-together because it is always on a football Sunday and...they are Christmassy green after all.  But this year apparently some decided we should go to even LESS effort. 

Twas the Sunday before Christmas and all through the house,
I was harried and hurried, perhaps a bit grouchy of a spouse.

 The stockings were STANDING by the chimney in two pairs?

I guess they were wishing Christmas cookies and wine soon would be there...

Yes, that's my family all knock-kneed and pidgeon-toed,
I should have turned off the lights, I'll bet their stockings glowed!

Then out in my foyer arose such a ruckus, 

I sprang from my chair to see what all the fuss was.

Before I had time to yell "Holy Cripes!",

there were more stockings upon us
followed by sweaters of sequins and holiday hype!

It was "Attack of the Killer Kristmas Kardigans" on everyone but mom,

It soon became clear my family shopped at www.uglychristmassweaters.com

(All fashion criminals identities have been protected until proven innocent by the fashion police.)

How embarrassing for the bros-in-law to show up in matching vests,
altho a fashion faux pas, they were happy-clad guests!

As I drew in my head, and was turning around
standing by my chimney Thing #1 and his cute beau-ette I found.

Dressed in elves, snowmen and sparkles from head to toe,
This seriously is NOT the family I know!

Not to be outdone by their cousins' show of glitter,

My camera-shy nieces donned bows that proved bigger is better.

Yes, they were smiling for the camera or so they alleged,
but it is apparent to all they are directionally challenged.

This year's dress code was clandestinely organized, 

by rogue family members and boy was I surprised.

 Which in reality was not at all very rude,

because I do NOT have shoes to coordinate with sweaters and stockings of that magnitude.  

It's obvious my family needs new clothes with less gall,
so dash away, dash away, dash away to the mall.

(disclaimer:  no sequins or elves were harmed in the accumulation of these sweaters and socks while compiling this post).

--Kathy