Happy New Years Eve and other lies...

It's gonna get wild around here tonight, WOAH...can't wait to open up that tub of "jalapeno cheese balls" I found at Wegman's the other day.  Trying to decide if red or white wine is the perfect accompaniment for this delicacy. Probably doesn't matter as long as I drink it out of a red SOLO cup. New Years Eve...BAH Dick Clark Ryan Seacrest.  I just have NEVER liked this holiday.  Even as a kid, I found it sad and depressing.  A couple of years ago the Better Half forced me out on New Years Eve to a Holiday Pops concert. I agreed to go as long as we left BEFORE the traditional "Auld Lang Syne" was performed.  Now THAT is one wet blanket of a song known to make your jalapeno cheese balls quite soggy.  It never fails to make me tear up.

NOOO, my aversion to New Years Eve isn't because I wasn't invited to a party this year, or any year as a matter of fact.  Truth be told, I am quite content to sit at home, curled up in front of the tv, eating cheese balls...and listening to a group of Thing #3's friends laughing in the basement.  They will be here tonight because THEY weren't invited to parties either,  but have one-upped moi by choosing to make one of their own.  Little do they know...NO CHEESE BALLS for them!

I'm not good with "uncertainties".  Where some find the concept exciting, I find it daunting and scary.  And that is exactly how I've ALWAYS viewed New Years Eve...the eve  of a new year = new uncertainties = new AAAARGH. 2013.  What WILL happen this year?  As I've grown older I've morphed my views on many things.  But New Year's Eve is one of my last hold outs.  I mean I can't change EVERYTHING, if I did the Better Half wouldn't even recognize me.  And if THAT happened, who would I have to share my cheese balls with on New Years Eve (not that I share them or anything...okay something ELSE I haven't changed).

We have so many holidays I find ridiculous.   New Year's Eve is the ridiculous-EST of the list:

10.  Mother's Day (May 12) - Seriously?  ONLY ONE FREAKIN' DAY???

9.   Arbor Day  (April 26)  - Because even us Republicans long to be environmentalists ONE day of the year.

8.   Take your Pet to Work Day (June 21) - I celebrate this EVERY day.

7.   Flag Day (June 14) - AKA... "fly a U.S. flag made in China"  Day

6.   Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19) - AAAARRRRR why not?

5.   Tax Day (April 15) - Soon to be known as "Jump off a Fiscal Cliff" day.

4.   Ground Hog Day (February 2) - Gotta love a holiday where you never get the right response from a rodent.

3.   National Bosses Day (October 16) - I guess we need a holiday to atone for all the smack we talk about our bosses the other 364 days of the year.

2.   No Shave November  (NOVEMBER, duh) - Sorry, I celebrate "No Shave September, October, November, December, January, February, March, April, May"... basically from Labor Day til Memorial Day.

1.   New Years Eve (December 31) - Drunk people wearing silly hats trying to pretend they don't look drunk or silly.  If only they had a bucket of jalapeno cheese balls to complete their look.


No fear, tomorrow will NOT be New Year's Eve...and all will be right in the world again.  And until then I wish you all...

Jalapeno Cheese Balls for everyone!!!!

--Kathy

P.S.  I linked up to this week's "Monday Listicles".  Disclaimer:  my list has NOTHING to do with their list topic.  What can I say?  The jalapeno cheese balls must  have gone straight to my head.

linked to:  Macro Monday, Monday Listicles, Our World Tuesday

Nourish...

I began this year with the idea that I would pick a word to define and shape my goals for 2012.  Simple enough.  I chose "nourish".  And as with most of my endeavors, I started off full of good intentions and  a bang...and then once the novelty wore off and daily life set in...I sputtered and slowed down...considerably.  BUT, I am glad to say I didn't stall completely, and I wound up ahead of the game.  Actually, I was quite successful.  Definetly more nourished in December, than I was in January. And I'm not  talking about my weight.

Nourish?  Yep.  I embarked on a couple of photography classes and challenges.  Including a self portrait project that I WILL complete...but am a few weeks behind on. I nourished my creativity by blogging consistently for the full year.  I found it interesting that my "photography" blog has morphed into both photography AND the written word.  2012 certainly was a year where I felt I had lots to say and figure out (altho my "Things" would tell ya 2012 was no exception to the norm).  I am also in the process of compiling my first year of blogging into a book. If for no other reason than to PROVE to future generations that great-great-GREAT grandmom (insert a yet to be determined COOL name for an old geezer) had a pretty well-nourished sense of humor and outlook on life.   And gosh darn she was full of wisdom to. I've also sold a few of my photographs this year and NOT said "are you sure????". I AM learning to take compliments a bit better and more graciously as I nourish my self confidence.  AND,  going thru two pair of running shoes is proof that I continue to nourish my physical well-being.  Altho, the apple crisp on my stove and the mounds of holiday left overs in my fridge might beg to differ at the moment.

2012.  It's been a challenging year.   I found I nourished my fortitude and strength in ways that I never even considered possibilities in January when I chose the word.  I learned life has it's own plans regardless of MY agenda.  Maybe "nourish" actually chose me?  2012 would have been even more challenging had I not focussed on nourishing different aspects of my life.  And I close out 2012 by nourishing my sense of well-being.  I have been hunkered down for most of the holiday with my family.  Haven't even ventured out that much.  Heck, some days I haven't even gotten out of my pj's.  I'm enjoying being a homebody.  I'm enjoying being a wife.  I'm enjoying being a daughter and sister.  I'm enjoying being a mom.  And I'm enjoying being a future mom-in-law (yep...Thing #1 got engaged last week).  I'm enjoying nourishing my soul.  I'm still NOT enjoying cleaning and laundry tho.  And my family would probably like me to "nourish" my make up and hair on occassion.

"Merry Christmas"

"Home Sweet Home"

I haven't even picked up "James Dean" until today.  And I found that putting James on the back burner for awhile was a welcome break.  Sorry James, I didn't even miss ya.  Nope, not one Christmas photo this year.  It was kinda fun just enjoying the moments without feeling I needed to document any of them.  Plus...I kinda looked like crap.  THAT is documentation I do not need.

But today as I was curled up on my couch the snow began to fall...

"Looking Up"
Ambler PA

...and without even thinking I found "James Dean" sitting on my dresser, dusted him off, and clicked off a few.  There was such a sense of quiet, stillness and...peace as I ventured outside.  I could even HEAR the snow flakes hitting the trees and ground.  The beauty and softness enveloped me like a blanket.  Which is EXACTLY what I had been doing the past few weeks.  Wrapping myself up in the blanket of my home and family.  Cocooning myself.  Protecting myself.  Nourishing myself.

As I looked up to the skies, and watched each of those huge snowflakes float towards me I realized...life goes on.  There is a time for cocooning, and there is a time for re-birth.  So while 2012 was the year of "nourish" for me, I decided today that 2013 will be the year to "live", no excuses allowed (EXCEPT for the laundry).

"Cheers"

Not sure exactly what that will entail yet, heck...just thought of it today folks!   And I'm sure, as I am inclined to do, I will start off with good intentions and a bang..only to sputter and stall at some point.  But the point is to have a goal and keep moving forward towards it, right?  And you all KNOW that when I figure it out, I will find a way to laugh about it, and share it here.

So here's to "living" and 2013. Cheers my friends...

--Kathy 

linked to:  Weekly Top Shot, Project 52, Sunday Snapshot, Simple Things Sunday

Christmas Blur...

"Christmas Blur"

Home Sweet Home

Christmas is a blur, both literally and figuratively for moi this year.  Okay, okay, okay...you all KNEW I could only stay away for soooo long, didn't ya?  Truth be told, I was completely blown away by all the love, support and encouragement I received after the passing of my dad.  And no matter HOW far behind schedule I am (and believe me, I don't even qualify as 'fashionably late' this holiday season),  I couldn't let Christmas pass without stopping for a moment to say a very sincere thank you.  

I'm actuuuuually kinda feeling a resounding "OK".  Which is a heck of a lot better than I thought I'd be.    Don't get me wrong, God and I have mucho gabbing to do with each other.  We aren't on the best terms at the moment. But I'm....."OK".  I realize my blogging this past year, in part addressing what was happening with my dad, has really been quite cathartic.  I was quite surprised at my dad's memorial how many told me they had been following along and could relate to my thoughts and words.  Blogging made me realize I wasn't as alone in this journey as I thought I was.  When the blur morphs into a more focused picture, I plan on compiling my photos and writings on Pops into a book for my Things, to help them remember the journey...both the good and the bad.

And yes, there was some "good".  What could possibly have been GOOD about Alzheimer's?  In some ways, it was a gift.  The "long goodbye" is usually meant for the sufferer.  However, what is also true is that it equally pertained to moi.  What a gift it was to have both the time AND the opportunity to tell my dad everything I WANTED to say to him.  And I DO believe that inside that confused brain, he understood.  What he meant to me, how much I loved him, how much I appreciated him AND his multitude of life lessons.    That he truly mattered. Not just to me, but to so many.  

And then I had the gift of being able to help take care of him.  It was only fair, as he had taken care of me for so many years.  Probably waaaaaay longer than an adult daughter SHOULD have been "taken care" of by her dad.  And when he was finished with us taking care of him, he gave us the gift of saying goodbye to him.  Not every child has that gift.  My dad didn't with his father.  It is precious.  In the end, Pops made sure life was fair to us...and so was death.

And finally, Alzheimer's gifted me with a perfect living example of what a marriage should be.  Love, devotion, dedication, care, strength, support and doing what is right.  I thank both my Pops and Madre' for that one.  54 years of marriage.  Through sickness and health.  Til death do they part.  They were an inspiration.  They were a gift.

So aside from not starting my Christmas shopping until this week, not having baked ONE single Christmas cookie, not nestled in for my annual "Love Actually" viewing, and feeling as if I should settle down for a long winter's nap....I'm doing downright "OK".   Because despite the blur of this Christmas, I am so incredibly blessed.

"My Guardian Angel"

AND....I now have my own personal guardian angel looking over me.  And THAT my friends, brings me an incredible sense of peace and comfort.  My focus isn't so blurred as to not recognize that little factoid.  So remember, whenever you hear a bell ring this Christmas season...

...an angel gets his wings.  And in THIS case, it might be my Pops.  And knowing dad, those wings will be properly aligned, symmetrical to a "T", and fluffed to perfection.  Because that's how he rolls.

Thank you to all.  Love and Peace,

--Kathy

linked to:   This or That Thursday, Photo Story Friday, Perspectives Photo Challenge, Favorite Photo Friday, Finding Serendipity, Cool Clicks Thursday Thursday Favorite Things

R.I.P. Dad...

"The Last Family Gathering"
Thanksgiving 2010

You would think at 53 years old, I'd be able to handle the passing of a parent better...epic fail on my part.  It's been a long, long good-bye.  In reality, I began the grieving process a little over a year ago as dad started to fade away.  But there would always be a glimpse of him that would manage to shine thru.  The glimpses became less and less.  But he was still here, he was still my pops.  And when the glimpses ceased, I could always see thru the shell and visualize my dad because, well... I knew him for 53 years afterall.

There is probably no "good" way to die.  You can't compare cancer with heart disease.  Or a car accident with a stroke.  But what I CAN tell you is that I wouldn't wish Alzheimer's on my worst enemy.  It is the cruelest of diseases.  It isn't swift.  It isn't merciful.  It takes away everything you've spent your life building, one memory at a time.  And when it is done with your memories, it turns it's attention to your body. It is downright vicious.  So while my head tells me it is a blessing that my dad is free, and no longer in it's evil clutches...the hole in my heart tells me my head is a moron.  I'm TRYING to be a good role model for my kids, to show strength under duress.  But the facade gets really hard to maintain at times.  And I crack.  I'm not feeling very strong.  Sometimes, I only feel duress. I just lost the first love of my life.  I just lost the longest love of my life.  It cuts deep.

I have been blessed to have my dad for 53 wonderful years of love, wisdom, humor, and a guiding hand to help lead me towards a good life in both thought, word and deed.  I will always have those memories and lessons regardless of his physical presence, because they live within me.  So many are not as fortunate as I am, and have lost parents much sooner in their lives.  Or, they have had parents longer....but learned so little from them.  But if I am totally honest with you...I'm extremely selfish and feel cheated.  I am pissed, pissed, PISSED at Alzheimer's.  It took my dad from us way before he should have been called home.  And it stole from us the remaining time and experiences we should have been able to have with him.  As much as he gave us, there was still so much we could have given to HIM.  To show him all his hard work and his love paid off in dividends.  That we were all so much richer for having him in our lives, and in his grand kids lives.

So yes, I feel both blessed and pissed at the same time.  Such a conundrum.  And can I tell ya how much my dad would hate that I used the word "pissed" publicly.  Sorry Pops...but I am.  How could I not be?  I wish you were here to admonish me for my choice of vocabulary (but I KNOW you would have been impressed with "conundrum").  I guess that is my first lesson.  He might be absent physically...but his lessons and beliefs live on within me.  

We will all be fine...eventually.  Pop raised a family of strong girls.  A family of strong girls filled with life lessons and wisdom, thanks to him.  So altho there SHOULD have been much more to come, we will pick up the reins because the most important lesson was the value of family.   Be there for each other, and never let the family down.  And that is what we will do.  Because Dad would want it that way.  WE want it that way.  After all...we are Dad's girls.  Alzheimer's will NEVER take THAT away from us.  

--Kathy 

I have disabled the comment link for this post.  I want to let my thoughts stand, on their own.  I will be taking a short hiatus from blogging.  This past week has been tough.  And I can only imagine the next few weeks will be also.  I want to spend this holiday season with my family, and put the focus where it should be.  But who knows?  If the spirit hits and calls to me...you might see a post in the meantime.  But if not...happy holidays my friends.  If you would like to honor my dad in anyway, then I have an easy request of you.  Please take the time to tell those you love...how you feel.  It's a powerful gift.  The gift of words.  You can thank my dad for that lesson.

53 is GRRRRRREAT...

"53rd Birthday"
(self portrait project 44/52)
(**taken with i-phone...not a big fan of i-phoneography quality--- yet)

Sooooo, it's taken me about a week to settle into the fact that I turned 53.  I really wish I could be one of those people who just doesn't care about age. That it's JUST a number.  True, but I prefer other numbers like "50% off". Or that it's okay because the alternative is worse. Maybe, but MY alternative is DENIAL, and it's a lovely place (if you want to visit, let me know and I'll give you the password).  Or that one must surrender, resistance is futile.  Oh yeah?  I have not yet begun to fight.  Actuuuuuually the drawer full of moisturizers kinda belies that fact....but I plan to fight the GOOD fight, ad nauseum, one retiin-a and glycolic acid product at a time.

Yes, I realize this is a problem.  Yes, I have my issues.  Yes, vanity is obviously my middle name.  Week's like this, it's kinda hard for me to think of anything marvy about myself when I have visions of hover-rounds and support hose dancing in my head.  But, I saw Stasha's topic for her Monday Listicles and thought...hmmmm, do ya think anyone will know that I'm lying?

10 Reasons Why I'm Grrrrrrrrreat

1.  I think it's GRRRRREAT overcoming a challenge.  Hence, why I'm tackling this list.

2.  I think it's GRRRRREAT that I fall in the same category as fine wine and aged cheese.  As long as I don't smell like aged cheese.  I will conveniently ignore the fact that compost falls into this area too. Isn't THAT GRRRREAT??!!??

3.  I think it's GRRRRREAT that when I go to the gym I can kick a 52 year old's butt...easily.  On a good day?  Maybe even a 50 year old's.

4.  I think it's GRRRRREAT that I can laugh at myself.

5.  I think it's even GRRRRREATER that I can laugh at OTHER people too :)

6.  You know what's GRRRREAT about laughing at other people?  It makes you feel like you are an immature teenager.  Which is kinda GRRRRREAT when you are 50 freakin' 3.

7.  I think it's GRRRREAT that Liam Neeson can have an affair with a younger woman and I could still qualify!!!!  Call me :)

8.  I think it's GRRRREAT that Barbie and I are the same age.  Yet she is full of plastic, and I am proud to say I'm not.

9.  I think it's GRRRREAT that I have a pretty good sense of humor.  But it's even GRRRREATER that the Better Half has a much better one...so he can put up with  me (just kidding 'bout the whole Liam Neeson thingy honey).

10.  I think it's GRRRRREAT that I'm a woman.  'Cause women live longer.  So I can look  forward to getting reaaaaaally old.  Just GRRRREAT.


The good news is, when I'm 63 I will probably look back at this and say "53 sure was a GRRRREAT year!!!"  Because when it comes right down to it...I am grateful that I am here.

Happy Monday...

--Kathy

linked to: Monday Listicles, PhotoHeart Connection, In the Picture

Scavenger Hunt Sunday (12/2/12)...

Holy Falalalala, Batman!  Is it REALLY December?  Yikes, lots to do. Times a wastin'.  So right to this week's Scavenger Hunt.  The prompts are:  Purple, Music, Bracelet, Numbers, and Missing.


1.  Purple

"Rivalry"
Willow Grove, PA

How lucky for me that my high school alma mater's colors are purple and gold.  How unlucky for me that I was forced to wear that hideous color combo for many years.  Even worse?  It was the 70's which means I was wearing purple and gold WITH bright blue eye shadow!!!!!

2.  Music

"And Now for a Musical Interlude"
(self portrait project 43/52....yeah, I can finally see the finish line)

I-love my I-tunes on my I-phone.  I listen to music the majority of my waking hours.  And I fall to sleep to it too. I love how a particular melody, or lyric can instantly transport me to another place and time.  Music allows you to time travel...and not even leave your favorite chair.  Because who wants to leave a leopard spotted chair?

3.  Bracelet

"Got Change for That?"

Seriously cool bracelet, made out of real coins, I found at the Christmas Market in Philly today.  Hmmm...might now have an idea for all my spare change.

4.  Numbers

"Number Crunching"

Rouge

Philadelphia, PA

Since I didn't buy that bracelet, I had lots of spare change to head to Rouge for a glass of wine.  WHY do I always want the wine with the biggest number???????

5.  Missing

"Glass of Barolo"

Rouge

Philadelphia, PA

What's missing?  MOI, partaking.  I should be drinking this baby instead of photographing it!!!!

Holy Hallelujah, Batman!  I'm done!!!  Can I just digress and tell ya my favorite "holy" Robin saying?  Drumroll puhleeeeeze.......

"Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, Batman"

Seriously, he said that.  And there is NO WAY I'd ever work that into a blog post...but I did want to share that priceless piece of witty repartee' with you.  Totally random.  Totally ready to throw it into a conversation with Thing #3 today.  Totally ready for the eye-roll.

Happy Sunday...

--Kathy

linked to:  Scavenger Hunt Sunday, Weekly Top Shot, Snapshot Sunday,, Sundays in my City